Until My Last Breath (Complete)
by I hate the snow
Summary: Rick Grimes is an old man and dying. He recounts his life, and living with the dead.


**I'll be seeing you**  
 **In all the old familiar places**  
 **That this heart of mine embraces**  
 **All day and through**

 **Billie Holiday**

Eighty year old Rick Grimes laid in his hospital bed, the heart monitor keeping a steady, rhythmic beat as he talked to one of the new nurse's aide's about how he survived The Plague.

The room's flat screen television was turned to the local news channel, but placed on mute as to not impede on the flow of conversation.

Different medications for pain relief dripped into his veins as he spoke to the young woman. His blue eyes glistened with tears when he glanced at her nametag and saw the letters "Lori."

 _I thought my husband was dead. And I felt like I died with him. And I...I wanted to feel something...anything. And now I hate myself for it._

xxxxx

"We lost so many. My wife died giving birth to our daughter. A few months before that we had a fight and I ignored her when she needed me."

The monitors started beeping with abandon as Rick started a coughing fit which with him wiping away tears.

Nurse Lori stood up and increased his Morphine and retrieved a box of tissues.

"Thanks." He croaked out, as he took a cotton cloth from the container and wiped his eyes.

He seemed eager to continue the conversation, and motioned for Lori to reclaim her seat.

"Her name was Lori. She was my first love. There were two others. Michonne, she was a friend for a while, and just as crazy with grief as I was. A madman with a bat killed her. And a buddy of mine named Glenn. Glenn's widow, Maggie, was with Lori when she died. People thought I was nuts to fall in love with the woman who did a C-section on my wife. But I did. Mags died a year ago. Breast cancer. It ran in her family."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Lori had a C-section?"

Rick nodded and grimaced at the memories that were always below the surface. He glanced at the woman, whose parent's weren't even born when the world went to hell and back, and thought about how easy she has her life. She had the life people of his generation thought would never exist again. The kind of life he and Lori wanted for Carl. Before the world ended, and before they found out about Judy.

His baby girl.

 _You want me to bring a baby into this? To live a short, cruel life?_

He tried to keep the tears away when he thought of Negan picking and playing with Judith. Holding her tightly, so tight she started to cry, before he threw her over the wall. She never got a chance to grow up and have anything that resembled a normal life.

 _Shouldn't we try to figure it out? You threw up the pills. You want this baby. I know you do._

Maybe things would have been different that day back at the farm. His boy…his pride and joy.

 _Anybody moves, anybody says anything cut the boy's other eye out and feed it to his father._

His eyes snapped open, and just like every other day over the past six weeks that he was hospitalized, he still pictured himself waking up as a thirty something from his coma. Only this time, the Lori who sat with him wasn't the Lori he wanted.

Rick cleared his throat, and continued. "The worst thing a parent can do is to bury their child. I've done that three times. Twice with my own flesh and blood, and once with Maggie and Glenn's baby. Elizabeth Josephine wasn't mine, but I cared for her as my own. We lost her the first time the government said there was a cure. She was a teenager, and gasoline had just started being produced again. We were living near Washington, DC, but moved back down here. I was a cop in King's County. Buddies of mine…their names were Daryl and Abe, helped me restore my home I had with Lori. We just finished, and sat down on the patio. Maggie brought out cold beers and that's when the phone rang. I could tell by the way she screamed."

He was quiet, and wiped his eyes again. Lori started to stand to comfort him, but he stopped when he dismissively raised his hand.

"During that time. The Plague lasted only five years. But millions of people died. Some major cities like Paris, Los Angeles, New York…took decades to recover. I thought I'd die a million times. I almost did. I can't even count the number of friends I lost. When people face the end of civilization, they form their own social structures."

 _The day will come when you won't be._

Lori took advantage of Rick's moment of silence and asked about stuff she read about in her college history book.

"I read about a man called The Governor, someone called Negan, there was a place named Terminus…"

The retired officer raised his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.

"Yup." He sighed. "That was all me. Us. Us. I wasn't by myself. And that was only Atlanta and Washington. The West coast faced its own demons. Different countries had different problems. We thought we had it bad until we read about the others."

"How did society bounce back so fast? Like, factories and stuff?"

Rick chuckled. "Well, the factories were already built. They just had to find the people and fix the machines. Abe, he was the one to help me fix my house, he was a lumberjack, then drove the trees he cut down to the paper processing plant, and then we had paper again. We once had these things called newspapers. They're archaic now, but they were good for a while. But paper, iron workers, stuff like that…baby steps, I guess. Everything was there. They just needed people."

Another strong coughing fit ripped through his body.

"I won't be long now, will it?" He asked the young woman.

"No." The young woman said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He smiled. "I've had a good life. Well, I've had a life. It had good moments. I've been lucky enough to have the marriages that people dream about. But my bags are packed." He said, his voice raspy, a sign of the cancer that ravaged his body. _It's time to get the house in order._

"I think it was the chemicals they dropped to kill the walkers. Anyone who breathed it later died. I don't know what kept me going. Either that or those damned coffin nails." _I killed two people myself because of you, and Carl and the baby. It was gonna be me and not them no matter what._

"Sorry…coffin nails?"

The blue haired man smirked. "Well, that's an old expression. Do they even make cigarettes anymore?"

"Cigarettes?"

He chuffed. "Well, that's my answer." He asked his nurse if she is married.

"I just got engaged!" She said with happiness in her voice.

"I'm happy for you. People that can hurt you, the ones that can really hurt you, are the ones that are close enough to do it. People that get inside you and tear you apart, and make you feel like you're never gonna recover. Shit. I'd chop my arm off right here, in this restaurant, just to feel that one more time for my wife. You see, I'll never feel that, but you have it. You have everything. So hold on to it. Use two hands and never let go. You got it?"

Lori nodded, her eyes teaming with tears.

"You're the only one here who's been nice to me. Everyone thinks I'm this crazy old man. I'm forgotten, like yesterday's news."

Rick wiped his eyes, then removed his wedding ring from Maggie from his left hand and Lori's from his right. He slowly slipped his old, beaten up watch.

The young nurse tried to protest.

"No…no. This is what I want. I have nobody left. You've been nice. In the plastic bag with my things, you'll find two engagement rings. They're old now, but you can do what you want with them. There's a framed picture of my Lori and our son. All pictures of Judy are right here." He said, as he pointed to his temple. "Same for Maggie and Elizabeth. You can keep the jewelry, there's no use in me taking those, but please…Lori, I'm asking you…please make sure they bury me with my pictures. My wife, Lori, she grabbed family photo albums when she had to run from our home. They got destroyed along the way. But we went back to town one day, and that's where the picture comes from. I wish we could be buried together, but…she'd want me to hang onto the pictures…" his voice trailed off as he felt the Morphine dull his senses and pull him into sleep. _Goodnight, love_

xxxxx

Shortly after he started snoring, the heart monitor started beeping wildly. The attending physician and two nurses ran in just as the beeping turned into a long, monotone squelch.

xxxxx

The next morning, assistant nurse Lori Jenner was at her apartment, applying her makeup and getting ready for work. At seven in the morning she turned on the news to see what happened and what's going on.

Typical news stories…a couple in Hollywood is getting divorced after a two week old marriage, there was a high speed police chase in Southern California, and what drew her attention was "The last known remaining survivor of The Plague died yesterday."


End file.
